The other night as I was walking through a college campus (for the first time since leaving college) I found myself feeling strangely at home - or perhaps yearning to feel at home. It was a strange feeling to have, considering while I was in college- and especially as I was nearing the end- all I wanted was to graduate and get a job. Now that I have done just that, I was surprised to feel myself almost missing being in school the other night. Perhaps I just find myself wanting to cling to my "college youth", having just had another birthday. School for me was an environment that provided unlimited opportunities. It was the catalyst for my passion and creativity in music.
Having a lesson every week to keep me on my toes or fellow classmates challenge me with some healthy competition kept my drive for improvement high. Don't get me wrong - playing in a professional orchestra has given me plenty of motivation - a desire to strive for the highest level of expertise and professionalism that I see exemplified around me everyday. But I do find myself wishing I still had chamber groups to play with, competitions to do, recital opportunities, etc... As I am starting to take auditions again, I am looking for the same drive I have had all my life to get that first job. You work your whole life to achieve one thing, in my case - win a job, how do you keep that same initial motivation?
I guess in my transition from a student to a "professional" I often feel lost as to where to see mself.
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